So, the wife and I have been talking for a bit about cutting out cable.
I’ll let that sink in for a while, as I’m sure I haven’t been the only one to consider this.
This thought alone terrifies the hell out of me. I won’t know which myths have been busted or which ghosts haunt the most lowly places in America? I won’t have a spiky haired doppelgänger point out the best crap holes to get a cuisine only made in countries with no vowels. I won’t be able to experience the mind numbing escapades of a sponge and his greedy crab of a boss.
I sit here in a video induced haze wondering if any of that really matters?
I have talked to several people who have mentioned that they don’t even miss the shows they have lost by ditching cable. This means I have a chance! Sure, I’m bound to go through some kind of withdrawals, maybe even hitting rock bottom by masquerading a friendly (and of course surprise) visit to a friends house as a means to catch up on the blankiest housewives of blank while ignoring the host as I sit on the floor in front of the TV and let it bathe me in its radiant warmth and familiarity. I may even get kicked out of Best Buy or Wal-Mart as I jump from TV to TV absorbing as much cable and primetime television as possible, promising my family members and close friends that I could “quit anytime.”
However, just like kicking any addiction, life will be more vibrant, colors will be crisper, and I will look back on the world of cable and chuckle as I see others go through the same struggle. My bank account will be $100 richer, my relationships 100% more meaningful and my Saturdays only slightly less cartoonier (I’m bound to relapse). But If I can come through this coaxial tunnel and make it out alive, then I should be able to kick any habit.
Now leave me alone while I drink this gallon of fudge through a crazy straw.